14 weeks

Tuesday was another appointment to check on the baby. I was so nervous I think I made myself sick waiting in the lobby. Our last two pregnancies ended abruptly at 13 weeks and five days. We needed to get past that point, to hear a strong heartbeat, and to see a wiggly little baby. There is that ten second delay when the ultrasound starts until my doctor can see what she needs to see. Those ten seconds are so brutal.

And guys, so far so good. Every week when I am still pregnant I cry just a little bit- relief, nerves,the uncertainty of this entire process, and the knowledge that at any point this could be over- it’s a lot to handle! I will never take a healthy baby for granted, ever. There are so many things can go wrong, it’s a miracle that it ever goes right.

We still haven’t told the kids. I just can’t. Yet. I’m also not really fitting into my pants these days but I’m procrastinating getting out my maternity things just because. You know.

I said I would be relieved at 14 weeks, and I am. Sort of! Miscarriage rate at this point is less than 2%. Unfortunately, statistics don’t mean much to me anymore. Battin’ a thousand! So thankful we have made it this far, so many prayers answered.

There’s this quote by Jane Austin- “I am half agony, half hope.” That’s kinda how I feel. I’m so incredibly hopeful. I have so much faith this baby will come home with us! But at the same time, the nature of being patient and waiting makes me feel insane. One day at a time, over and over and over. Time feels so slow.

But we are doing it! Hard things, we are doing them.