Scientific Experiment

Problem: I am extremely pasty and white. Almost see-through. Though my OB told me it was fine to tan in a tanning bed for short periods of time while pregnant, he warned that I would get some dirty looks. His actual words were “You won’t cook the baby.” That, combined with my brother Sean’s advice (You will get cancer. You will get cancer and die.) I decided to try a different route.

Hypothesis: My hypothesis is that Jergens Natural Glow self tanning foam will generate an lovely even tan for my translucent body when used correctly for multiple days.

Experiment: After showering, I applied this foam evenly (or so I thought) all over my skin. I also applied moisturizing lotion on top of the foam for added softness. I did this for three consecutive days.

Observation:

  1. This stuff smells like ground coffee, burnt skin, and tanning product.
  2. This smell lingers all day long. No matter how much deodorant/perfume/lotion/ clorox bleach you apply.
  3. My skin is slowly changing colors. Except my feet, I forgot to do my feet.
  4. My elbows and hands and ankles resemble that cool cat from the Cheetos commercials
  5. My arms and legs don’t look too bad.
  6. I forgot to ask Jazz to put the foam on my back. Now I have a line where my arm’s reach ends.
  7. Did I mention its stinky?

Conclusion: I would give this product a rating of “Eh.” While it did tan my skin without harmful tanning bed rays, or spending time baking in the same, my color is not even. I was very careful in my application, as I have heard HORROR stories about turning into a tangerine overnight. My arms and legs look pretty good, minus my elbows and ankles. Maybe just skip those parts next time. And I am fairly sure it is impossible to evenly apply anything to your feet. Too weird and bony and curvy and stuff.

It is an adequate replacement for my usual tanning habits, at least for now. I’m going to cool it for a few days to see if I can mellow out the orangey areas and then possibly reapply. Overall, it did its job, just not as well as my favorite high pressure tanning bed usually does.

5 thoughts on “Scientific Experiment

  1. Have you ever tried Mac’s Sundressing Spray Bronzant? I am not sure if they still carry it, but I tried it last year and loved it. It didn’t do that whole knee, foot, elbow thing everyone usually complains about with self-tanners.

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  2. That's a pretty brave experiment. I think I've ONLY heard horror stories. Maybe just do your arms and legs and bag the elbows & hands. But I concur – tanning while pregnant just doesn't seem right. May the greatness of pregnancy carry on!

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  3. I’m just so damn proud.

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  4. Try coppertone airbrush tanning spray. I don’t like the lotions because of that exact problem- it’s impossible to apply evenly, even though you think you are. The airbrush sprays get you way more even. And it doesn’t smell as bad!

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  5. I have tried them all & I think they all stink. That being said. My favorie is Oil of Olay, Touch of sun, now I think it is called Quench. I like it because it is more of a lotion w/a little tanner. Also one of the keys to self tanning is to EXFOLIATE the crap out of your body. Good luck. I can't deciede what I am more jealous of… the fact that your friends get to live in San Fran, that you get a weekend with them, that Jazz cleaned for you or that you are going to Disneyland!!Have tons of fun.

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