Crackberry

So, a couple weeks ago, I mentioned in a letter to McJazzle that I dropped my trusty flip phone and it broke. (Sidenote: my mother ask that I stop referring to the baby as “fetus” as it is “extremely crass.”) It was a very sad day in the Sorensen house- that phone had been through our entire dating and married relationship..every text…every phone call. When I realized that I could get a new blackberry pearl relatively free, I totally forgot about my old phone.

A blackberry! With internet! And google and facebook and everything! I was so excited. They overnighted my phone for free which was greatly appreciated considering I felt extremely naked and disconnected from the world. Ever tried being without a cell? It’s like going back to 1995, except that I can drive and I’m not rocking stirrup pants.

The phone came, I got it all hooked up and it was perfect. Cold and shiny like a vampire, light and quick like my mom, stimulating and addicting like cocaine.

Of course- there is a catch, there is always a catch. The Blackberry has a different keyboard system than a standard cell phone- its a baby keyboard with about two letters assigned to each key. Now, I don’t want to toot my own horn (toot.) but I am an furiously fast texter. I can text while driving, shaving my legs, making dinner- without so much as glancing down to see if things are spelled correctly. I just know.

Enter the new blackberry. I am clumsy and slow. At this point, it would be extremely irresponsible for me to text while driving. I can find the letters okay, but there is this new feature called Predictive Text where the phone tries to guess what I am trying to type. This is fine in theory, but I have some weird words that the blackberry just doesn’t know yet. No, I do not want to spell haggle, I want to spell haha! And why does “Um” pop up before “I’m”??? I end up taking five times as long to delete the predicted text and re-type the correct letters for words.

The other day I typed ridiculous and it came up redicuilpus. That isn’t even a word! When I try to type “yah” and it comes up “tag” every time. Cmon blackberry I really want this to work out between us!

Slowly, it is learning my settings and my most popular words. Who cares if “lurve” isn’t in the dictionary, it’s in MY dictionary and that is all that counts. I have a good feeling that if this Blackberry whips itself into shape, we will have a nice long life together.