Welcome to winter. You have probably forgotten what it feels like to be perpetually cold all the time. Do you remember now? I just wanted to remind you what the next six months will be like. You will be wearing Uggs everyday. No exceptions. You will wear them to work and to church and also in the bathtub. You will be sleeping in them.
I am sorry that the rest of the body is anemic and has poor circulation. This results in you being starved for the delicious blood supply that you so enjoy. But when you turn purple and fall off I will be very sad and I don’t want to pan handle on the street sitting on a card board box. So please feet, follow the rules. Wear the boots.
Please know though I can’t see you, I am thinking of you often. When summer returns and the glorious rays of sun can shine brightly on your pale little flesh, I will unlock you from your prison cell of fur and grant you a heavenly pedicure from that Asian place across the street.
And listen feet, I don’t really want to hear any complaints. You are basically staying in the Grand Luxury Suite of all boots. Soft and fluffy, fur-lined and warm, we both know this is the only way to keep you from turning into one solid ice block and supplying a Christmas party with cold beverages.
You are my favorite feet ever, this really is for the best. See you around May.