Reason Number 4,512

Many months ago, before I was a Mrs, we moved our boxed up possessions into our new shared space. I had so many expectations for our new basement apartment. I remember looking around at the 900 square feet of carpet and walls. It felt so spacious. A laundry room and a spare bedroom, master closet- my own kitchen, it really is a perfect little abode.

We weren’t even married yet. Jazz was still living at his sisters, and I was still living in the death trap that is Provo. We wanted to set up the apartment as best we could, so that after the bliss of our sunshine filled honeymoon- we could return home to semi-pleasant space and spend less time cleaning out Jazz’s old crap. (Fact: I do not have old crap.)

We bought a beautiful shabby chic bed. To this day I am amazed Jazz went for a white antiqued bed. I thought for sure I would be sleeping on a bulky pine hot mess for at least the first five years of our marriage. I am convinced it was likely because I posses charm up the wazoo, my eyes can bat a thousand, and also probably because it was on uber clearance.

After googling which way the sheets actually were meant to go (hey don’t laugh. its a king size bed. I’m still not really sure, just that the tag goes in the bottom right corner), we successfully put the fitted sheet on. We got to the top sheet and both stopped.

I am notorious for hating the Top Sheet. Since I was a kid I have kicked it to the bottom of the bed. Neglected it. Spit on it and hated it. It is a pointless thin layer of nothingless with no purpose. My mother will quickly remind me that the Top Sheet serves to protect the duvet cover. Sorry Mom, all the duvet covers I know are washable and they have buttons and they don’t mind getting dirty. In fact, they kind of like being close to you. They prefer it even.

When I got to college, I tore free of the communistic sheet rule that I had been living under for so many years. I used my Top Sheet for tent making and harp moving and wrapping up fragile things. I never slept with it once.

And here I was, at a Top Sheet crossroads. What would my other half think about Top Sheet? Did he like the Top Sheet? Maybe it was his *gasp* favorite bed accessory? How would I live? I envisioned our bed having a half Top Sheet, me getting tangled in it, throwing a fit, sleeping on a couch. Oh, the problems a Top Sheet could cause.

“Uh, so do you like this one sheet?”

“Um, not really at all, it kind of gets in the way.”

Ladies and gentlemen. That is reason number 4, 512 why I know that Jazzy John Shaw Sorensen is my perfect match and soul mate. He hates Top Sheet as much as I do. And yes, that does mean we have to take the duvet off twice as often to wash it. But, it also means that I have my partner there to help me put it back on.

7 thoughts on “Reason Number 4,512

  1. Micci!! I was reading your blog and laughing at the part where you said your Mom said the top sheet was used to keep your duvet cover clean. My Grandma would NOT let me sit on my bed ever for any reason or use my comforter because it would “ruin the stitching and get it dirty.” Weird, right?


  2. You are so cute & I can't wait to meet you. Next Thursday??


  3. Micci, you are still one of the funniest people I know. And I love your bed. And we have never used a top sheet ever. Does anyone these days?


  4. I am a lover of top sheets, but strangely, I grew up without said top sheet. I thought top sheets were weird cuz I’d never had one. Now I love that they tuck all around my shoulders letting not a smidgen of non-body-heated air into my little tent of warmness. When it’s just the quilt or duvet or whatever, there’s always a gap left somewhere. Always a breech where that darned cold air enters my cocoon of sleep and makes my shoulder freeze. I love that a top sheet will drape and fill in every gap. That’s why I have a love affair with my top sheet. But I love that you hate it and that your lover hates it too. Did I ever tell you you’re adorable and I love to read your blog? Ya, I thought so.


  5. Message from the Wife Who Sleeps on a Bulky Pine Bed…Congrats on locating the Non-Top-Sheet-Loving bed/soulmate. It really is the little things, huh? I never thought my brute hubby would let me dress my two enormous dogs in outfits and take them out in public. Turns out, he dresses them to take them to Home Depot AND orders them each a soft taco when he makes a stop at Del Taco. Gotta love them!


  6. Yeah so it says ‘at his sisers’ and not ‘with his sisters’Details! Attention! I suck.


  7. Alright, so I have absolutely no idea who you are but I really just loved this post about Top Sheet. Maybe you know Adrienne Aggen, who shared your post about ice block feet.I liked that one too. Keep on.


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