we are doing okay!

We went to visit Max’s park a few days before the July 4th holiday. I had these pinwheels I had been meaning to drop by for weeks (the drought has made the ground impossibly hard and I had to HAMMER them in.) It’s been on my list and I just wasn’t getting to it- the heat makes it hard, swim lessons made it hard, being out of town made it hard. It had been almost two months since we had visited Max, which seems SO long to me. For some reason I imagined that in my absence, his little place would be over grown with weeds, his stone extra dirty, things generally out of order.

So we stopped to get donuts and milk like we often do and drove into the loop around the cemetery. As we pulled up I noticed that nothing was out of place, everything looked exactly how we left it. Sure, there was some dirt from the ground blown up to the stone like there always is. I got my cleaning kit out and the kids ran around with their donuts.

Max’s place was okay. It was okay for us to be gone. Max is OKAY. It’s okay to have life and be busy and be happy in between. I’m okay. I mean, I feel like a different person than I was before he was born, but that’s alright. It just sort of hit me that Max WANTS us to be okay!

We had a really nice, low key weekend with our family. We went to the lake, had a date, ate some great food, did some more swimming, ate more good food, and sort of watched fireworks.

I’ve stared at this picture far too long, the Lloyd Christmas bangs and Alfalfa hair and his smug little face. I could not love this boy ANY MORE than I already do.
Also! On Friday, a little babe showed up about a week before his due date with a full head of DARK HAIR. Grayson didn’t want to miss the fireworks I guess. Sabrina was a champion delivering him and they are all home and happy now. (Well, Quinn isn’t thrilled to be honest but she will warm up to him.) He is so handsome and I seriously can’t get over his hair.
Grayson is grandbaby #12 for my parents- they have 6 boys and 6 girls, with one more of each on the way this month! All age 7 and under. It keeps them busy.
It’s a little bittersweet welcoming new babies into the family and thinking of the babe that would have joined our family last month. I think I’m allowed to say that? I just feel left out. Miscarriage is hard. Infant loss is hard. It doesn’t take away from the happiness I feel for these fresh little babies, I always think Max sends me down an extra snuggle and a message with them. My family is really sensitive about things and does a really good job checking in on me and making sure we are doing okay. 
We are doing okay!

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