This is my job right now.
I went to pin this and realized it had already been pinned three times.
I posted this on instagram the other day…that I have made it my theme for the year. Last year was “I can do hard things.” I think that still applies always and forever, and to it may I add “The grand and the simple.” I’ve had a lot of time to think about our situation, not understand it because I think its impossible at this point. Lincoln is three. He will be four by the time he has a living younger sibling. Four years is a long time at this point in my life. I don’t want these years to be “sad years.” I don’t want to “just barely scrape by.” I want them to be vibrant and happy, full of good memories and productive days. I want to stretch my body and my mind, be creative, be the kind of mother that my mother is to me.
Lots of stories have come out of the woodwork lately of people who have had hard trials. Maybe I have just been more aware of them the last couple of years, but friends/acquaintances/strangers have difficult things too. Cancer, loss of a loved one, infertility, divorce. Losing a parent. Losing a spouse. Losing a child. Or two children. And yet… the stories that I have read end up being more uplifting than depressing. These people have chosen not to let tragedy define them. One woman’s blog chronicled her seven miscarriages. SEVEN. I can’t imagine…She has five healthy children now, and is on the other side of that huge grey cloud in her life. I’m not saying all is well and fine and they have no problems now, but that particular hurdle has been overcome.
I really really sincerely hope that in five years time I will look back at this grey cloud of ours, and the darkness will have lifted and there will be sunshine for days. Honestly I really want to be happy and I want our family to be happy and I pray every single day that we will be able to do that. I could focus so much on this time that has to pass, the waiting and praying and hoping, and I will of course to some degree… but I don’t want that to dictate my life. I am still a mother. I am still a wife.
And so YES I am counting down the days until my body is healed. (and my emotions too.) More than anything I want another healthy baby in my arms. If I let it, it can feel so far away. But in the mean time….
I can do hard things. Both the grand, and the simple.