Laid to Rest

The tiniest little casket.
On May 3rd we had a small service, surrounded by family and close friends, to celebrate the life of our Maxwell and to lay our sweet baby to rest.
The day before the burial, we were able to see Maxwell and say our earthly goodbyes. I won’t write much about that here because it was so personal, so special, so spiritual, I don’t think I could do justice to that one hour of our lives- enveloped in the love of our Savior while we held Max in his beautiful white clothes swaddled in a soft white blanket. A long sleeved cable knit blessing outfit. A tiny onesie that all of my children have worn and I have washed a hundred times. Socks from Lincoln’s top drawer. Peacefully sleeping, our perfect little baby.

We were so blessed to have so many of our family members there. Jazz’s dad flew from Pennsylvania. His mother, step father, sister and her children came from Utah. My sisters flew from Arizona. Leigh from San Francisco. We even got to skype Sean in from his hospital in San Antonio. Our best friends came and stood and cried with us, we felt so much support from our loved ones. 
I think my favorite part of the whole thing was seeing all of the cousins run around together. Their little souls didn’t realize the weight of the day, the sadness surrounding our circumstances. Instead they walked through a peaceful park- we had perfect weather, little breeze and wind chimes softly blowing. This part of the cemetery is not typical green grass and square plots. We chose this because it is more natural, more secluded and quiet, full of shade and big oak trees. Jazz rides right through the cemetery on his bike rides every Tuesday with my dad, and as soon as we needed to pick a place to bury Maxwell, they knew exactly where they wanted him to be.
I love this picture. Surrounded by our favorite people, the kids sitting around us, yet you can clearly see the pain and sadness on my face. 
This is my precious niece Margo. She calls me Mimi. As soon as my dad got up to start the service, she cried for me and wanted so badly to sit on my lap. I think she knew I needed a little extra love, a little extra help getting through a difficult day. Bless her.
Scott opened with a prayer, and then all the cousins sang “I am a Child of God.” So sweet. Lincoln mostly stomped around and pulled faces, little stinker. 
My dad spoke a little bit about baby Maxwell, about his short life and his need to obtain a body. His perfect little spirit and how thankful we all are that he joined our family. He spoke about our time at hospital, about me and Jazz, and about eternal families. And when he was finished, he dedicated the grave for our boy. A beautiful prayer. 
We concluded with a special violin piece by my brother Sean. He lives in Texas and wasn’t able to come and be with us, but he was with us in spirit. He recorded himself playing Brahms’ Lullaby and then Scott was able to play it through some portable speakers. I thought I was keeping my composure pretty well up to this point, but once I heard his music I sort of lost it. Every mother wants to sing a lullaby to her baby, and I didn’t really get the chance. Sean’s lullaby was so sweet and meaningful, it was the perfect send off for our Maxwell. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the group. Thank you Sean, for saying what I could not.
Lullaby and good night,
With roses bedight,
With lilies o’er spread
Is baby’s wee bed.
Lay thee down now and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed.
I stood, and put my hand on the casket of my sweet baby and told him that he was special, and loved, and perfect. Until we meet again, Maxwell, your mama loves you and misses you every minute.
Could not do a single step of this without this man. I love him so much.

Sean skyped in via the iphone so he could be a part of our special day. He was so cute, he even changed into a white shirt and tie even though he was so far away. 

This is (the back of) my wonderful obstetrician, Dr. Kang. We feel like she is part of the family now. 

Madilyn, Margo, and Isabelle. 

Our only family picture as a family of five. 
Three generations of Sorensen Men.

The service was short and sweet, just like Maxwell’s life. A perfect celebration. 
As we drove away from the cemetery, my heart was heavy, my face wet with tears. Lincoln shouted from the backseat, “Bye Maaaaax.” 

6 thoughts on “Laid to Rest

  1. Bless your family, Micci. Hang in there. Thank you for sharing your wonderful testimony and story. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.


  2. Oh Micci, I finally just read all your posts about Max. I am bawling and bawling and just truly cannot imagine. Even though it may be months, I might


  3. Sob when I see you next! I am begging and begging myself to not take a single day or snuggle or “will you read me a book Mom?” For granted. They are too precious.


  4. I forgot to tell you, when I was reading your posts and sobbing, my three year old, Ryan, asked me what's wrong. I showed him a picture of Maxwell and told him that Max had to go live with Heavenly Father, and that its sad because we miss him.Ryan told me, “No cry mama, Jesus will hold him and pet him.”


  5. Oh Micc, I have been thinking of you and your family so much. I don't think there are any words I can say to help, but I want you to know I appreciate your willingness to share your grief. It's not easy, but this blog is a diary of your family, and Maxwell deserves his place in it always. Love to all of you.


  6. Micci, your blog is so inspiring to me. You are so strong!!!! Sending happy thoughts your way! Max is lucky to have you as his mom!


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