two weeks.

It’s been two weeks today but it feels so much longer. The hospital called this morning to see how mom and baby were doing and I had to tell them that our baby was the full term baby who passed unexpectedly. Then she knew exactly who I was. The poor woman felt horrible, though probably not as horrible as I felt.

There are babies everywhere. Literally six people I know have had their babies in the last three weeks and it is such a happy thing- I still love babies, all the babies- but it is just a little painful to see. I ache for my own baby.

Physically I am recovering well. It has been my fastest recovery by far- probably because I am able to sleep through the night most nights- and also I think my OB just did a great job with my surgery. Stitches are so much more comfortable than staples, I had no idea. Plus this is my first delivery without an exhaustive labor preceding it.

I’m tired. I cry a lot. I cry until I don’t think I have any tears left and my face hurts and I can’t open my eyes anymore.

Bless my sweet husband. For taking the kids to preschool and turtle bay and for picking up toys and making lunch. For letting me cry on him and then making me laugh a few minutes later. For keeping the lawn mowed and the mail brought in everyday. For being sad with me. This is so sad.

Thank you for your prayers and comments and messages, they mean so much to us.

This is one of my favorite pictures from the few minutes we spent together. He was so perfect.

9 thoughts on “two weeks.

  1. Love you Micci! I seriously can't get you out of my mind. I ache for you and the whole fam. Hugs your way!


  2. That is such a sweet, precious picture. He is a beautiful baby and I love what you named him. Iv'e been thinking of you and your sweet family so much, I am so sorry that you have had to go through this, still praying lots and lots for you and Jazz.


  3. Micci I don't know what to saynother than I think of you often daily. Wondering how you are and how jazz is doing. How your sweet little ones are doing. My mom lost a baby when I was only three and although I can't remember her I know her spirit is part of our family and we still think of her often. I am not sure why I am telling you this other than to let you know i really love you and wish so much I could take the pain away! Please know from afar I am praying for you and shedding tears for you and your family. Lots of love!!!! Maria


  4. I wish I could make it all better for you 😦 I can't imagine the intense emotions and feelings you're experiencing. I wish I had the right words. Little Maxwell is extremely lucky to have you as his Mom, and I know he knows he is loved and missed beyond belief.


  5. This picture brings tears to my eyes every time I look at it. I'm so glad you have an amazing husband so you can both lean on each other in your times of need. You are an amazing woman and mother.


  6. You are so brave Micci. Thank heavens for your champion husband, I'm so glad you have him. I pray for your continued healing.


  7. I don't know you but I stumbled across your blog by accident a few years ago and have loved following you ever since. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your little boy. I think about you daily and pray that you feel the peace and comfort I am sure you desperately want and need. I know Heavenly Father never leaves us alone and I know He can heal your broken heart.


  8. I just want you to know that I cry for your loss. I have been thinking of your sweet family so much and praying for your hearts to heal when they can. Your children are so blessed to have you as their mother. Jazz is an amazing father and husband too. You can do hard things. You are loved beyond measure!


  9. Bless you and your family. I know you've heard this before, I just wanted to reinforce what a beautiful blessing you will someday receive. I'm elderly now, but my Mom went through the lose 5 times before she adopted me. She never told me all of the stories but I know she's with them now. One of the last things she said was I see the 5. Only a few new what she meant, but I know Heavenly Father was giving her a glimpse of what she was to have for all time. Yes little Max is with his ancesters till the rest of the family join him. You are brave and strong. And more babies will come and you will tell them of Max. And you will see Max in all your family past ,present , and future.So hold tight to the iron rod knowing you are so blessed and in my prayers.


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