the luckiest.

Lincoln was a turd today.

He didn’t sleep very well last night, and hasn’t been napping as long the last few days.. maybe his teeth are bothering him… I don’t know but he was a fuss face. By the time we hung out at my parents for cake and ice cream after dinner (Mom’s bday) I was just done for the day. DONE. I had every intention of putting his jammies on and tossing him over the crib railing- GOOD NIGHT KID. Go to sleep. For 12 hours.

But I read him some stories and he nestled in my arm all reclined and cozy. I turned off the light and we talked. We talked about our day and all the things we did and I told him I was sorry for being impatient. I’ll be better tomorrow, I said. I’ll be a better mom tomorrow. Today wasn’t my best day.

To my surprise he just sat there. The boy that didn’t stop moving ALL DAY just laid still beside me, listening to me talk. I ran my fingers through his hair in a little circular pattern over and over. I sang our favorite lullabye songs. His little body was limp and sleepy, but still awake. When I stopped moving my hand on his head he lifted his arm to my fingers and made sure I kept going- if I stopped singing, he made some noise to let me know to continue.

For a half hour, he sprawled out on my lap nearly asleep. I forgot about the tantrums and the fits. I forgot about when he climbed on the counter and when he dumped out my makeup bag. I forgot he woke up too early this morning and that he ran smack full speed into the wall this afternoon and that he also pulled all the clean stacks of laundry off of the bed. I forgot he stole all of Isabelle’s favorite toys and tried his hardest to roll away from me when I was changing his diaper. I forgot he somehow got a hold of a ballpoint pen (!) and once again, totally refused to drink any milk.

Tonight when I go to sleep I’m not going to remember the grumpy parts of my day, but the perfect thirty minutes we spent together just me and Lincoln, my fingers tracing circles in his fluff hair and his little feet resting on my knee. His eyes fighting to stay open and then finally succumbing to sleep.

One of my favorites to sing, the luckiest by ben folds

I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns 
the stumbles and falls brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it every day

And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The Luckiest