I’ve been thinking a lot lately about birth.
Maybe because its just this time in my life or maybe because I’ve had two different experiences, neither of which went the way I really, really wanted them to. Maybe it’s because my sister just recently had a baby and we have swapped labor secrets or maybe its because I not-so-recently had a baby myself.
Either way. I’ve read hundreds of birth stories. All kinds- homebirths and car births and c-sections and multiple births. They are fascinating to me- I don’t know why. I know my mom thinks I’m weird because I’m kind of obsessed with births and all the gruesome details but it isn’t gruesome to me. It’s awesome.
After Morgan had her baby the “normal” way I of course questioned my body and its inability to birth babies. I went back and re- read Lincoln’s birth story and closed my eyes and remembered how the room looked and how those contractions were and how powerful and awesome I felt for a few hours. I crave that again. I read up on Morgan’s doctor, who is super VBAC friendly and has delivered over 10,000 babies. I even called his office. Let’s recall, he lives in Phoenix, Arizona.
You guys, I tried to get an appointment with him. Just to get his opinion? Maybe so he could say “yep you sure do have weird bones, c-sections for you!” I’m not really sure what I wanted. Anyway, he is out of the office the day I am going to be visiting Morgan, and therefore I couldn’t get an appointment with him. I was initially kind of bummed but then I thought WHAT AM I DOING.
When I am feeling crazy like that I just have to pray. Pray for peace. Pray for guidance. Pray for acceptance for the way I bring my children into the world. And recently the answer I get is that it is not up to me. It is out of my hands. This is to serve a definite purpose and I may not ever know on this earth what that purpose might be. My stubborn personality says LETS DO THIS THANG. Let’s drive to Arizona and live for weeks before the baby comes. But the Spirit says Micci, that is not the plan.
Just because I WANT to try again doesn’t mean I should.
If both previous c-section deliveries were done follwing a failed trial of labor, your chan ces of delivering are about 50%. That’s an F.
Statistically, a VBA2C is better for the baby, but a CBA2C is safer for the mom. Spontaneous labor is preferred.
all different birth stories. fast/slow, induced, all different, we all have different bodies.