Epilogue, posted in 2018

thoughts i never posted- now posting 8/2018

It’s been 6 weeks since I had major surgery and birthed a baby. 6 weeks to think about how Lincoln came into our family and how we’ve adjusted since then.My body has mostly healed and so has my heart. Sometimes I read over what I have written about his birth story and it makes me cry- mostly because it is such a sacred time, no matter how your baby is born. I ache to experience it again.

The more I talk about labor and birth and c-sections, the more I hear stories that sound like mine. Friends and neighbors and aunts and blog friends. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, so thanks for sharing. No matter how many stories I read- they are ALL different, including mine. Nobody can predict how it will go and I’m just thankful in the end for a healthy baby.

That being said- It stings to watch a baby story or baby’s first day or one born every minute or any of those stupid shows. I love/hate hearing about people who have easy fast labors. I envy them. Yes, I will always be disappointed that I didn’t have the birth I envisioned, BUT I am at peace knowing it is out of my hands. It is out of my hands. It is out of my hands.

But there are some good parts! Like, next time we will be able to pick the baby’s birthday! And hopefully follow our trend of even-day births. Which will be great. And I will get a good night’s rest the night before the surgery. No two weeks in a foreign city without Jazz, no waiting around, no being a week overdue. No cervical checks or stripping membranes or anything like that. We will be able to arrange child care for Linc and Izzie ahead of time. I will walk myself into the OR and be wheeled out an hour later. Strange? Possibly.

When I talk to people, I want to so badly tell them that everything went perfectly and it was no problem but I always say something about how it was a great experience.. but in the end I did have a c-section.

I can’t seem to delete my contraction notes from my phone for some reason. Maybe because I will never have them again? I hate that.

The other day I psoted on my facebook that I wish I could keep having babies forever. I really do mean that. I love the whole experience and before you roll your eyes and barf

I’m breaking up with my OB.

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