This might be borderline inappropriate for our family blog, but I did some consultations and we all agreed that it would be okay. Sorry mom if this crosses the line. Also, I apologize for the blog title, I couldn’t resist.
When Isabelle was born, we met with a lactation consultant a few times before we left the hospital. By the time we got home, we were really getting the hang of the whole nursing thing. Isabelle was gaining weight, eating like a champ, sleeping well, it was great. And so it continued for 2 1/2 months. She would nurse in the car, at church, friends houses, in the mothers room at Nordstoms-you name it, she could nurse there. It was wonderful! So portable and convenient, I was really enjoying our special bond.
About two weeks ago, Isabelle put up a tiny picket sign and went on strike. She screams and cries every time I go to position her. I’ve tried several different positions, latches, tricks, and nothing is helping. Its like she has totally forgotten how to eat. I am trying SO HARD (!!) not to be frustrated, but its not easy. It is totally consuming my entire life. We try to nurse, she screams and fights with her tiny baby fists. So, I pump my milk and feed her via bottle. But this is a vicious cycle, as she now prefers the faster flow of the bottle. I can’t keep up pumping since it is not as efficient as a nursing baby, and as a result my supply is decreasing.
Honestly, I’m crushed. I have these immense feelings of guilt, like I am totally failing at this important job. I know its not completely my fault, there are other factors contributing to this situation, but it makes me FEEL like its all my fault. I’m not giving up yet- we are still trying every 3 hours to nurse, some attempts are more successful than others, and I have a call in to a local lactation consultant. Four months is a great start for Isabelle, I should really be proud that we have made it this far, but I can’t help but be devastated thinking this part of our relationship is prematurely over.
On the bright side, Isabelle is so sweet and adorable, she gets cuter everyday. Today she rolled over about five times. I hate to brag, but I’m pretty sure she is a genius baby, no big deal. We are still working on rolling BACK to her back, she gets kind of stuck on her tummy. Also, she is sporting a baby mullet. She has this tiny fluff patch growing in the back, but not much else. How can something this small and this cute cause so much fuss?!