mercies for max

I’ve mentioned our good friend Carol before. She is the nurse that works with my dad on Thursdays, and also works in the NICU at the hospital. She volunteered on her day off to be in OR and was the one to take all of those precious pictures. Can we just discuss the pictures for a minute. Have you ever seen so many good c-section pictures? Not just c-sections, but all births in general! I mean really- good ones close up of just me and my boy? I’ve told you before that I don’t have pictures like that from my other babies births- I don’t think most people are so lucky. In those ten minutes we have over 60 pictures of Maxwell, pink and screaming and happy. We have pictures of my tender moments with Max, the only time I got to hold him and see his little face while he was alive. We have pictures of the three of us- smiling and radiant with joy. When I’m sad, I can look at those pictures and remember that for just a few minutes everything was perfect. Tangible proof of our sweet little baby and his short life. We are so incredibly grateful for the pictures that she took of our moments with Maxwell. So thankful for you Carol!

this is my favorite.

Something Carol is famous for is her newborn bubble baths. She brings the baby into the recovery room with you so you can be a part of that special time and watch her gently bathe the baby in a big sink of soapy water. The babies love it. I’ve never been able to see my kids’ baths so I was excited to be included for once! You can also have your other kids present to help with the bath- lots of my friends have had their older siblings there to watch the baby get all cleaned up and they even get to help Carol. Everyone says its adorable and its a great time for pictures and the kids love being involved. JaNae had her girls there when baby Bennett was bathed and they really loved it. We thought about how much fun it would be for Isabelle to be there in the recovery room to see baby Max and help bathe him… but for some reason I never quite felt good about it. Call me selfish- but I really wanted it to be about me and Jazz and the baby without having to worry about anything else… and I wanted a front row seat to all the action. The topic kept coming up- if Isabelle was going to be there- we knew Lincoln would be all over the place plus it was his nap time so we knew for sure he was out. Even the morning of Maxwell’s birth my dad offered to bring Isabelle to the hospital so she could be around for the special bath.

Still, we didn’t feel right about it. You know me, I’m all about the opportunity for adorable pictures, especially when it includes siblings, but I just felt like it should be just me and Jazz.

Of course now, what a blessing, what a relief. We never had that special bubble bath, we never made it that far. Instead, the recovery room was filled with grief and tears and heartache, and I’m so incredibly grateful that my sweet four year old wasn’t standing on the sidelines. What a relief that I didn’t have to worry about my reactions or her reactions or see her tiny face trying to make sense of the situation. Tender mercies.