We are tired! But we are alive!
Jazz is back to work and we are flying solo at home. So far, so good. I mean I’m super tired and I’ve only sort of made dinner once and yesterday the Costco sized fabric softener exploded onto the floor and I literally shut the door and left it there for later. Like a little welcome home present for Jazz. Surprise! But we are slowly adjusting to having two children in our house. Lincoln is a wonderful baby, mostly content and happy just to be held and hang out. Isabelle loves to be the big sister and “help” me whenever she can.
|“I hold him?”|
|Isabelle hates socks, but not if Lincoln is wearing them! Must match.|
Most of my day consists of feeding Lincoln from the couch, and getting Isabelle juice. Seriously- 90% of my day, right there. I’m finding it hard to balance giving Isabelle enough play time and interaction since so much of my time is spent nursing. Of course I play with her when I can but it is hard to tell her I can’t do playdoh or go for a walk or help her undress her doll because there’s a newborn in my lap. I can tell her little face gets so frustrated when I can’t do something for her, and then I just want to die. I go to bed feeling guilty wondering if I could have spent more time with her during the day. Mother’s guilt! Does that part get easier? Yes? She’s been so patient and mostly so happy- except when I force her to wear a shirt because she HATES IT. Obviously I’m out to make her life terrible.
|Homemade baby carrier.|
Sometimes I look at the clock ten times and no matter how hard I try I can’t remember what time I started nursing. I usually keep track once I’m finished, so I know when he will be hungry again… but especially in the middle of the night my brain is sort of fuzzy. I fed Linc at 1, and when he woke up at 4 to eat again, I could not for the life of me figure out why he wanted to eat since clearly in my mind he had eaten at 3, so he shouldn’t have been hungry so soon. The only thing that made sense at the time was to attribute the confusion to the three hour time change between east and west coast… of COURSE that’s why he was hungry! The time change!
Seriously, my mind absolutely thought that was the reason.
The other night I came into our bedroom to get something, Lincoln was fussy and Jazz woke up. Jazz said, “Whats going on?” I told him the baby was fussy and was having a hard time going to sleep. He replied, “What baby?” Um… our son? Clearly we are both delusional.
Also I’m pretty sure we will never go anywhere ever again. I definitely forgot how time consuming feeding a baby is. I’m sure it works like that on purpose, otherwise we probably wouldn’t keep having babies. Anyway, Lincoln feeds every 3 hours, and each feeding takes a little over an hour. (feed burp feed burp diaper change feed burp feed burp.) So really, I have like an hour and 45 minutes in between to get anything done. By the time I shower and get ready, he is hungry again. Then its lunch time, and then Isabelle’s nap time, then dinner time, then bath and bed time. I wonder if Target delivers. Every night I make really great plans like hey we should go to the park! Or tomorrow I will definitely put some make up on! And more often than not, Jazz comes home to a toy tornado and me in my sweat pants with a men’s t-shirt half on. At least we are all alive and fed, right?
|Isabelle feeding her baby.|