I realize I owe you a post about Disneyland, and it is almost finished, minus some necessary pictures from my home computer… but I cannot. stop. thinking. about. this.
Yesterday, Jazz and I got up quite early to make a 7 AM flight out of Long Beach. We both had to work, and needed the earliest flight possible to make it home. So- we get to the airport, we check our baggage, we even board the plane and sit down. We are getting comfortable, and I am trying get to that stage of sleeping when your head bobs around uncontrollably, when this horrific smell overtakes me.
I’m not talking like a mild, your-coworker-brought-tuna-for-lunch smell. We are talking about a borderline nuclear pungency hovering near death smell. The kind of smell that makes you want to cut off your own nose to get away from it. Eye-watering, breathing through your sweater, contemplating trying to break the thick airplane window plexiglass to just reach fresh air smell.
A group of gentleman had taken up seats behind us. I refuse to say their ethnicity because someone will inevitably leave me an anonymous comment citing me as an extreme racist. Which, of course, I am. These men had clearly never heard of a toothbrush, or Listerine, or deodorant, or a shower, or any type of hygienic practice that would result in the freshening of one’s own fumes.
I dealt with the toxic cloud like a pain threshold, counting numbers and doing mouth breathing techniques, nothing was helping. Jazz donned his superhero cape and went to work.
Soon after Jazz left, a blond flight attendant approached me and moved us to row 1. As in the front row. The one with the extra leg room. And easy access to the exit. Most importantly, the one without stinky offensive men sitting behind it.
I offered our first born lady baby to this blond stewardess, but she declined.
Thank you, Jet Blue, for putting personal televisions in each seat, for not charging me $65 for bringing my STUFF with me (heaven forbid we travel with personal belongings), and for having an open row on flight 232 service from Long Beach to Salt Lake City.