Its such a surprise to hear from you again! I kinda thought we had an agreement— I would have somebody take a giant knife and gently carve you out of my sensitive throat so you could run free, and in return you would GO AWAY AND STOP BOTHERING ME. Tonsils, I know its been awhile. Its been 16 whole months of us going along in our separate lives, when out of the blue *BAM* you take me out.
Now, I feel like I have been pretty fair to you. I followed through on my end…I even submitted to some extra local anesthesia so you would be comfortable whilst the scapel did its thang. I sent you to a fun day of “tests” at the lab to make sure you were nice and healthy.
After we were separated I had a really hard time. I missed your company so much that I puked. Many, many many times. I was so sad I didn’t eat for weeks. I just laid in bed, contemplating my decision to part ways. In the end I knew I had made the right choice, it really was the best thing for both of us.
Yet here we are again- downing NyQuil and Sudafed and all your other favorite treats. This was not part of our agreement. This should not be happening. You should be off with all the other tonsils, in a career now, raising little tonsils and teaching them all about tonsilitis. I know you love me, we have many good memories together…Burrito Bandito…In-n-Out…Mom’s Ham Ring. But this has to stop.
I appreciate your visit, but you have to be on your way- and soon. I look forward to your Christmas card- you and Jazz’s tonsils sure look great together.
Your Former Mouth.